Speak the truth...

Part I

I was going to watch the show Shameless on Netflix but I thought I'd rant instead.

It has been about 8 years since I was first prescribed some medication for what to me was paralyzing anxiety and depression. it was so weird when it happened. I couldn't sleep at night because of the panic but I couldn't function during the day because I felt like I had a wet wool blanket over my head. By early afternoon my neck ached like gravity was pulling on my spine and compressing the vertebra. That pretty well sucked and nothing I could do offered any relief. The cause of said is anybody's guess. Could have been the alcohol, could have been the cocaine, the speed, the pot. Too much, not enough, bad genes, going to a high school with assholes and bullies. Who the *&% knows? The end result is the same. We always want answers for these things. Western culture is hung up on "looking good" and of course "being cool". And if you don't "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

But I digress. I've recently changed location so I don't have access to some of the supports I had before. So I have a new prescribing professional. I still don't have decent insurance and even if I did under the Affordable Care Act I could pay close to 500.00 a month in premiums and prescriptions would still not be included.  So, where I had some financial help from the county where I lived before I don't now. These scripts come in at over $100.00 a month.

Now, I gotta tell you after years of learning how to survive in the darker side of life, I've also learned how to advocate for myself. I'm searching the internet looking for Canadian or Indian or Burundian pharmaceutical manufacturers. Nothing... These are not new medications, they are not complicated but they are effective. 

Part II

I tried to quit said meds a few years ago under the care of a very good doc. It's one of those medications that you have to ween off slowly. Some of you may recall, I set out on a European Odyssey as my mother liked to call it. I traveled about 1,100 miles by bicycle and walking through France and Spain.  Salamanca in north central Spain is where several factors came together to pretty much end the trip. The weather was terrible, rainy, cold, and windy at the end of November; I was still pretty much reeling from a relationship that had imploded and I was near the end of the titration process. All these events came together to create a perfect shit storm of anxiety. So much so that I was basically paralyzed in a hotel in Salamanca, Spain. I guess it would have been much more Hemingwayesque or even romantic in the literary sense if I had just been drinking to excess, having daliances with men AND women and writing the great American novel about it. But no, just anxious. My intention then was to keep up with this blog through all that but I failed. I failed miserably and I failed you my readers. 

Part III

 Given what my internet search has found in the way of prices for this crap, I think I may need to do something different. When I can lift the veil of my own pathetic little life and my little trials and tribulations, I can put myself in someone else's shoes and have some compassion. For me, it's a simple prescription and with a better economy I might very well shell out hundreds of dollars a year. But then I saw the prices of other medications used to treat various mental health issues and I was just appalled! Here is a sampling of what I found:

Product	Manufacturer	Price
Imipramine Caps 75 mg 30's	Various	US$461.10	Add to Cart
Imipramine Caps 100 mg 30's	Various	US$461.10	Add to Cart
Imipramine Caps 150 mg 30's	Various	US$619.21	Add to Cart
Imipramine Tabs 10 mg 100's	Various	US$58.72	Add to Cart
Imipramine Tabs 25 mg 100's	Various	US$66.79	Add to Cart
Imipramine Tabs 50 mg 100's	Various	US$76.21	Add to Cart
Surmontil Caps (Trimipramine) 50 mg 100's	Teva	US$700.60	Add to Cart
Tofranil-PM Caps (Imipramine) 75 mg 30's	Mallinckrodt	US$717.24	Add to Cart
Tofranil-PM Caps (Imipramine) 100 mg 30's	Mallinckrodt	US$795.28	Add to Cart
Tofranil-PM Caps (Imipramine) 150 mg 30's	Mallinckrodt	US$795.28	Add to Cart

Mine is not even on this list. Does anybody see a problem with this? How many bottles do they sell before they recoup the cost of their research? Oh but I digress again.

All I know for sure is that for me, wellness is never going to happen in a vacuum.

Thanks for reading this.