Trust

Stanage Edge. 

It occurred to me recently that the one thing I have to look forward to and work really hard at for the rest of my life is trusting God. It's one thing to talk about this kind of trust but it's another thing entirely to actually do it and feel OK with it. I'm mistrustful anyway. Especially if it sounds a little hokey.

 Now before you close this page because I wrote the word "God", let me explain.....At least a little bit. If one takes the time to read the "About" gadget on the first page, you'll see why I gotta talk about this at least a little bit. I'm an alcoholic, a garden variety drunk that couldn't put the plug in the jug if my life depended on it. Eventually, my life did depend on it and I still couldn't stop...There is a base level belief for those of us who have been able to stop that kind of destructive drinking and using. That belief is that only something much bigger than me could stop me. I just call it "God". Do what you like with that fact.


Having wasted a good chunk of cyber-space writing that gibberish, I realize that I digress. What I really want to write about is my quest to live on a bicycle. Quite simply consume less and find a new kind of life. So in my zealousness to plan this "adventure", I lost track of the goal. And by the way the goal is not simply "getting there" or even "going" from here to there. It's the journey. It is supposed to be simple, yet I was all caught up in making sure all my little duckies were in a  little row. Neat and predictable. Today I heard read aloud in one of my favorite places, the chapel at St. Mark's the Poem by Wendell Berry, Manifesto of a Mad Farmer. http://www.context.org/iclib/ic30/berry/ 
After I heard that today in celebration of a Rogation day. There are 3 or 4 of them throughout the year and are marked by processions to invoke God's mercy. It was explained as priests and other holy people blessing farmers' fields for an abundant harvest. "Good idea" 'cause without farmers we'd be screwed. So, there we we re a handful of people at church today celebrating farmers.
So in all my "planning" (read: having enough $$$$$$) I lost sight of the point. Get on the bike and go.... I completely forgot to trust my own instinct to let go of outcomes and simply trust. 
Why does that strike me as somewhat comical?